What took you so long to find me? Been trawling through the porn and freebie music download sites again? Hmm?

Anyway, now that you're here put your feet up, grab a tea, gin, drug of choice and stay a while. You don't need me to go on and on about how glad I am to see you. Let's face it - we've only just met. You might be one of those people who just turn up and then leg off at the first sniff of a newer, sexier website. Leaving me feeling all used and one night stand-like.

If that sounds like you, this romance just ain't gonna work. So go on, shuffle off to YouTube or something, and watch some nutter from Wichita playing the drums with his head.

Everyone else…er…um…hello!

Not Much About Me.

I was made in Liverpool but now live in Jersey, Channel Islands. Disappointingly my childhood was fairly normal, free from abuse, alcoholic - and - or - drug addled parents, traumatic illnesses; and any other domestic catastrophe that would make for an excellent commercial story later in life. However minor details like that haven't stopped me.

I'm always interesting on a Friday and sometimes on a Tuesday, and my capacity for gin has baffled the world of medical science since records began.

And so, as they say, that is that…